The world according to Matthew

Ever wish you could make the rules? Im going to start a little thread here that reflects MY opinion on the way things should be, and how people should act. I went out for lunch today and my GOSH people are just crazy in this world. Although I know the Good Book says that the world will turn this way, its just so hard to stomach people and their actions sometimes. Some of these rules will seem just plain obvious – but you’d be surprised. I’ll start off with road rules. I seem to have a lot of trouble coping on the road.

  • when you hear that big engine behind you, it means yes, its time to stop walking down the CENTER of the aisle.
  • the left lane is for faster drivers, if this isnt you, move over.
  • Remember that rule from the Drivers Handbook that said something about using your turn indicators 200′ prior to your turn? Stop putting on your blinker 5′ from your turn roughly the same time you brake hard.
  • Intersections. If you come to a red light at a major intersection, dont sit in the right-hand lane to go straight. People behind you want to turn. Exception to the rule: Rural areas.
  • When traffic is heavy, just because you bulldog the nose of your vehicle into my personal space does not mean I’m letting you in. This will guarantee I wont let you in.
  • Courtesy waves. Need I say more?
  • Please program/dial/configure your (insert gadget here) BEFORE you get on the road. And DONT do this in the fast lane. I actually saw a kid playing a game device while driving once.
  • INTENTIONALLY not looking both ways when crossing the street/aisle/walkway so that i HAVE to yield to you doesnt mean I will. You dont know that Im reading a book behind the wheel.
  • Yeah, I agree there are more cars on the road than ever. Yeah, i know you need to pull out in a hurry to jump in. But if you DO pull right out in front of me, STEP ON THE GAS!
  • In addition, if you pull out in front of me in three lanes of light traffic, PICK AN EMPTY LANE. If you dont, see previous.

Ok thats enough road rules for now – i could go ON and ON and ON….. (ask my wife)

Some General Rules

  • Cell Phones. Do I EVEN have to say it? GO SOMEWHERE PRIVATE to talk about FiFi’s latest nail color. I just lost a parent to cancer, i know what its like to be waiting on that all-important call. But there was NO WHERE that I couldnt take 2 seconds to get up and walk out of wherever i was.
    Contrary to what you think, NO ONE wants to hear your conversation.
  • That space located just outside the front door of ANY public establishment is NOT your personal parking space. Even if you’re waiting on someone.
  • Please honor my 3′ personal space when you see me in line at the grocery/bank/buffet/etc. I really DONT want to give you a piggy back ride.
  • Dont think for a second that it is my duty to move out of the way for you. This one boggles my mind. People that will flat out run over you because you dont step aside. Go figure.
  • Dont walk on bluebonnets
  • ASK me if i want more tea. And if i do, DONT grab my glass any where NEAR where my lips touch.
  • So you’re finally outside to smoke – thats a good start. DONT stand in the entrance!
  • To quote a line from the classic Rebok commercials, “if you kill the Joe, make some mo!”
    If you take the last cup of coffee… MAKE ANOTHER POT.
  • Stand in line like the rest of us. Your “quick question” really isnt.
  • Just because your favorite electronics store demos the latest and greatest video games…doesnt give you the right to yell and cuss at the screen like you were at home. Grow up or get out.
  • Although I dont act like one, I AM an adult. If you are younger than I am, especially significantly younger – KNOW that I am older than you and respect my age.
  • Yes, I will drop anything and everything to come to your aid or to provide you my attention. Please reciprocate.

Perhaps this is enough for now. I’m sure I will add to this list as I think of new ones.

HOW ABOUT YOU? What would be YOUR rules????

~MJ

One thought on “The world according to Matthew”

  1. I got one… people at four-way stops – PAY ATTENTION to the order so you know when it is your your turn. I can always count on the person yacking away on their cell phone to sit and sit when it is their turn to go- then no-one else knows what to do.

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